Like Paper in the Wind

As my due date inches closer and closer (31 days!!!!) it is becoming more of a reality that a new little girl will be in our home soon. Physically, I am starting to feel different. The movements in my belly are more rolling and less sharp and the Braxton Hicks are coming more often. I am hoping my body knows what to do again and charges right along- perhaps even a week or two early. I don’t want to be too wishful but the beauty of being pregnant has ended. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a miracle how the whole process works but I feel like I am the movie that has one too many scenes. Let’s get to the good part. Meeting Savannah. I am so curious about her personality, her eyes, her lips, her smile, her smell, her little cry, everything really. I wonder what Lyla will say when they first meet. I love watching our puppies protect a new little one. Alice is always so guarding and watchful, she keeps a careful eye on everyone. Charlie will give a little kiss every now and again and we mostly have to watch for his ever wagging tail. The house will be full of new noises and conversations and stories.

When Lyla arrived, I loved watching Matt shift to this gentle man so careful yet strong and proud and loving. He has a huge heart to begin with, but watching him with his baby girl just about did me in. Currently he is the best “horse pony” this side of the Mississippi and makes the best play-do cookies ever. There are those funny times when Lyla insists that he leaves and asks him specifically to stand in the kitchen. Sometimes he complies and other times he stays to play, much to her chagrin. He is a patient and happy daddy, always working to really figure out what Lyla needs. He also has the best ideas for games. To hear the real and actual excitement in his voice when Lyla asks him to play cars is priceless. He’s not doing it because she asked, he genuinely wants to play cars and he finally has someone to play with him. I mean, I love him, but we aren’t spending our evenings playing cars together. That’s not my thing. He is a champion chef for Lyla, always knowing exactly what she likes to eat and making sure we have her favorites on hand. Savannah has no idea who this wonderful man is except perhaps from him whispering that he loves her to my belly, but let me be the first to tell you, she will be loved and protected forever by him. That is just who he is, he doesn’t know any other way.

I have done very little to prepare for Savannah’s arrival. In my head I have things somewhat coordinated, but I worry so much less than when I was expecting Lyla. It’s not because I love her less, it’s because I know things will work out. They always do. I am trying to live in the moment. I know that I have one little girl that is so excited for her “ladybug birthday comin’ up” that she can hardly stand it. I have Christmas to explain- as in why all of the sudden is there a giant tree in the living room. I have a husband that is graduating from school soon (at the top of his class I might add- though you would never get that info from him). I know the instant I see sweet Savannah Pearl the hands of the clock will stop for a moment in time and I will fall more in love, my heart will grow and life will never the same. I can anticipate that moment but I can’t worry about that moment right now, it will come and that day will forever hold a special place for me, different from anyone else’s. Today I have a to-do list a mile long and it is making me edgy and grumpy. I am trying to savor these fleeting days of us being a family of three (plus 3 furry ones) but at the same time I am filled with excitement and nervousness over Savannah that I try to keep at bay. Everything is how it should be right now, hectic and busy, with an underlying feeling of happiness and impending change. Thank goodness I am madly in love with Matt and he makes me laugh or these days would suck because I feel huge and life is not slowing down. The days are going by like paper in the wind… everything changing, and then changing again.