Once I make my mind up to do something, I often commit fully and don't look back. This is a plus and a minus. I often don't let myself consider other options. Having a child is causing me to face this head on. No, not is major ways, but little ways that I feel are preparing me for bigger moments in life still to come. I never wanted to give my child a pacifier (Matt has renamed it a giblet). It seemed like a way to prevent a child from expressing themselves. I always saw it as a something parents gave their kids so that they didn't have to deal with the situation. Turns out babies have this crazy urge to suck and a giblet is a miracle in getting them to fall asleep. Also turns out that bad habits really can't be formed in the first few months. We just have to make sure it doesn't become a crutch for us. I am a convert. The giblet is with us everywhere we go... but only for another month or so. It's days are numbered.
Breastfeeding is something that I have always said I would do. I mean, I was always under the impression that it is the "right" thing to do. Everyone always says, "Your breastfeeding...right?", as though there were other options, but the devil himself had hatched the ideas. Make no mistake, breastfeeding is a lot of work. I can be very matter of fact and it was driving me crazy not knowing the exact amount of milk she was drinking. I spent more hours than I would like to admit wondering if she had enough or if I was starving the poor little darling. Every time she cried, I thought she was hungry- it was driving me mad. I have personally found a happy medium for myself. I am pumping all of my milk so that Matt can give bottles too. This also satisfies my desire to know exactly how much she is eating. I want her to have breast milk, I just never felt this deep connection when I was actually breastfeeding Lyla. It wasn't the beautiful experience I imagined in my head. We find many other ways to bond during the day. This option has also allowed Matt to play a very active role in her care as well as creating moments for them to bond. Lyla doesn't see me as just a meal option. This shift in thinking for me has been a bit of a struggle at times, but I am finally at peace with it because it works for us and Lyla is happy and thriving. I am QUICKLY learning that there is not a right or wrong way to do so many things in parenting. It can be a struggle though, there is a lot of advice and information out there that has me wondering if I am making the right decision sometimes. I am really trying to embrace the concept of doing what feels right for our family and not seeking advice on every topic. We are learning.
Speaking of learning, my current topic of study you ask? Vaccinations. Lyla has her two month check-up on January 29th (my half-birthday...I can't wait) and we will be faced with deciding what to do. The list of prescribed vaccines to give at this appointment is longer that most grocery shopping lists I have. It's a struggle. We have to make a decision that feels 100% right for us. I want to make an educated decision that I can fully stand behind- no "what if" moments and no "should have" moments. I constantly have to remind myself that I am only making a decision for Lyla, not the masses. Wow... I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes. Enough about this topic... we have until the 29th. I used to just flip a quarter to make decisions, it seems a little inappropriate anymore. I guess that's a good thing.
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